This blog is about finding beauty in everyday things, in my music, feeling good about myself, and helping to inspire others through fashion and music!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

A Story For The Aimless

A few shots from our show a couple of weeks ago. 
It's not easy being a full time musician, but it's worth it, and will continue to prove to be worth it.
The pros are: I get to play music, make my own schedule, travel, be with my best friend, Guy practically all the time.
Cons: Lack of money.

But hopefully that will change. We have been looking into a series of concerts call Concerts In Your Home. When we get shows booked, we will travel more and earn money to live off of. 

Some people may think I'm crazy for choosing this career, but the truth of it is, while I may have made a decision to definitely pursue it,  I did not completely choose this path for myself. 
My dream as a young girl was to be an actress. I wished for someone to notice me and pull me out and make me a star. But that didn't happen.
I sucked at school, paying more attention to self-destruction than grades.
Lost myself, didn't know what I was good at.
Until my crush in middle school was holding a guitar one day, and I was smitten...with the guitar.
I had to have one.
I learned to play.
I started going to open mics. 
I found out I was just good at this. I wasn't/am not good at very much, but this I could do.
I dropped out of film school to go on a tour.
Went all over the country, living in Portland for a bit, tasting the Salt Lake,  driving through the desert.
But then I lost myself very badly again. 
Moved back into my parents house in New York City and completely drowned.
If it wasn't for the few friends I had left, I don't know what path I would have gone on. 
They convinced me to move to Pittsburgh.
And while I was still lost, and my first few months here were lonely and confusing, I slowly made friends.
And found a true friend in Guy.
He's more than my boyfriend, he's my best friend, my confidant, and my bandmate.
We always bounce back after a rough time.
Our band rose to the top, and was announced WYEP's (Pittsburgh's Indie radio station) Band of the Year!
And now I get to play shows with him all over America, and in May, Europe!
Sure it's tough, and when I think back on my life, there are lots of things I regret doing, situations that I should have escaped when I had the chance or if I had had the sense.
Am I completely happy and content now? No. Money worries me endlessly. Worry leads to horrible panic attacks. Panic attacks come from a lifetime of bad situations that I'm trying to figure out.
I will get there. To complete happiness. Who knows, maybe I'll find it in Berlin or London! 
Or maybe, it's already here.
Corny, yes? Too bad.
I'm finally starting to understand, (and I should probably put it in writing on my ceiling so I can read it every morning) that happiness comes from within ourselves. 
It's extremely hard to do, and I can't tell you how to do it, because I'm just now starting to try it.
Music can help. And that's why I do it.
Arn't you tired of feeling like crap?